16/10/2011

An unfinished post that is a little out of date.

I have walked to work a few times, wearing a disguise (and holding a stick the first time) and wasn't attacked. Rode there and back twice, safely.  He watched me, once. Look, i know it sounds crazy, but you can't understand. He has it out for me, I don't know if it's jealousy because I can ride faster then I can fly, or, more likely, that he's protecting his young...but there's something about me that makes him want to peck my eyes out.  A couple weeks ago a kid had his eye pecked out by a Magpie. Guess what Australia will do? Put up a sign.

Interestingly, in my First Aid course today, there wasn't a section on magpies. Snakes, yes., Spiders, yes. Blue-Ringed Octopus, yes. Magpies, no.  They've killed before, wikipedia told me.

First Aid is such a weird concept for me. Yes, you can train someone so they know what to do, but honestly, in emergencies, you don't know how you're going to act.  I was driving with my bestie Erin once and we saw a little girl get hit by a car. Just ran out in front of it.  I froze.  Erin, the superhero that she is, ran out gave directions to everyone and saved the day. It was amazing. Even the guy who hit her; Erin looked at him said 'pull over! It wasn't your fault, I saw the whole thing!"  It was amazing.  I called the ambulance, leaving my car in the middle of the road, before Erin also gave me directions.

Anyway, the point is, i'm 'equipped' now, a proper first aider. Which is a crapload of pressure and quite a big responsibility.  I can help with telling you that if you get stung by a box jellyfish, there's no point calling an ambulance, because you'll be dead before it gets here.  Guess who's not going swimming at Austalian beaches?

Life has been a rollercoaster, sometimes an unhappy one, however things are changing for the better. After being demoted at my job (ouch) i've decided to work and save for a while, then move on.  I'm thinking volunteering in India for a year, be it freeset, be it Mother Teresa's, wherever i'm needed.  I have set up a new life here, but it's coming time to move on.

19/09/2011

I am embarrassed to report that the magpies have won. Well, the one magpie. After my amazing display of headbutting skills last Saturday, a few customers, while obviously impressed by my ninja skills, shared some disturbing news;

Magpies remember.

3 months, apparently, not a goldfish memory where they forget, not an elephants memory where they never do, but 3 months.  For 3 months of my riding past his stupid little nest with his stupid little children, this magpie will remember my superior headbutting skills and work hard to make my ride to work even harder.  My helmet literally has stab marks all over it.

That, and the newspapers over here; 2 page spread of magpies swooping on children (so it's no racism, ha!) and people with blood down their faces.

Yes, Australia will report on it, sympathise with those attacked, yet refuse to kill a native bird that is trying to kill its own people and friendly, good-looking NZers over here for a working holiday.

So, on the bus I go.  I would walk, but MAGPIES HAVE MEMORIES.

In other news, had my first gig last week.  I was pretty nervous, to be honest, especially as the female singer is overseas for 2 months, so guess who got to sing in EVERY SINGLE SONG!? 

Go on, guess.

ME!

Did you get it?

I was ill with nerves much of the day, my voice quavered and it was the daggiest venue in Sydney.  Luckily, when everyone arrived, they'd turned off the lights and it looked a little better, plus I didn't wet my pants, so that's always a plus.

The weather's been amazing, yesterday was 31 degrees, it was amazing. I walked around Bondi, had a picnic in the park, chilled, it was awesome.  I had half of today off too, which was great, same nice weather, about 22 but a bit windy.

Things are good, been very busy at work with heaps of staff off/down/sick but managing.  Have a weekend in Melbourne soon which i'm REALLY looking forward to, plus mum sister will be there at that time so we can catch up. Also, my folks are visiting soon, so it's all on! I'm excited!

Oh, and at work the other day, I hit Gay Waterhouse with a door.  She's a giant horse breeding celebrity, or something. She has a book...eh, who cares? I laughed.

13/09/2011

Today I was hit on my 2 young men wearing filthy grey trackpants.  They like my 'hipster look' (?) and appreciate my body.  They're only human.  THIS. IS. SYDNEY.

On Saturday I was attacked by the same magpie, again.  Instead of taking his crap like I usually do, I headbutted the bastard twice. My helmet is pretty munted now.  I talked to Erin's dad (who used to work for the council) to see if he could help me get it murdered.  He laughed at me.  THIS. IS. SYDNEY.

Today I checked my Superannuation account to see what interest I had accrued from my 6 months of living here. I have made $1.54.  THIS. IS. SYDNEY.

On Wednesday I have my very first gig with my band. A friend who has never heard us play before used this to describe us; "LION LE LION - These guys are a brand new collaborative - this is their first gig as a band. With instruments featured as diverse as glockenspiel and accordion, as well as conventional sounds like guitars and voices, Lion Le Lion look to be a new musical revelation."  Thaaaat's me. AND THIS IS SYDNEY.

Today I'm working on my blog, feeling bad that I haven't updated it and have been out of contact with so many people.  Work has been busy with my boss on leave and staff being sick. Plus I'm just a wuss who gets tired from work and has early nights. Rock and roll.

On Sunday morning I went to the annual kite festival in Bondi.  There were heaps of kites, including giant ones of whales and of aliens riding in spaceships.  I'm not sure what the theme was, but if it was random crap, that kite would have won.

I went to roller derby a couple of weeks ago, which was AWESOME.  I figured it would be a room full of lesbians cheering on more lesbians who beat each other up while on roller skates...and i was mostly right.  Ha. It was so cool, there's actually full-on strategy and rules, they took it very seriously.  The team I chose (the Beauty School Knockouts) beat the other team (Team Unicorn) so I was happy. Team Unicorn deserved some credit though, their opening number had a man dressed in a full unicorn suit, prancing around the stadium.  I went with Lou and Mike and work people.  I can't wait to go again!

The weather's been pretty good lately, I have the day off today which has been good, sadly I needed to do inside stuff but I saw a bit of sun.  Can't wait to chill out tonight and do nothing!

I've probably done more but can't remember.  Plus I can't think of anymoreTHIS IS SYDNEY quips, so instead, enjoy this delightful photo of a whale kite.  Because you can.

03/09/2011

Apparently it's 'usual' for people to be attacked by Magpies here.  It's happened to me on 3 separate occasions. 

I'm Catherine Sell and this is my story.

My first time, I wasn't expecting it, obviously, I didn't know what was going on, it felt like someone had hit me across the side of the head. I thought it was someone playing tricks on me.  The sun was behind me, I looked forward and saw my shadow and a bird swooping ahead. Incredulous, I started laughing, when it happened again.  While it was funny, my favourite part was when an island guy drives beside me and says "hey! Watch out man, you're being attacked by magpies!"  Yeah, dude. Got that. Thanks.

Different people have offered different advice, other than 'watch out because they'll peck out your eyes' (which we'll talk about later), apparently the thing to do it to paint giant eyes on your helmet.

Which is either a really good practical joke that everyone's playing on me, so i'll look like an egg riding to work with a scary monster helmet, or, it'll actually scare away the freaking birds.  One guy told me that as kids walking home from school, they used to wear upside-down icecream containers on their heads with eyes painted on them.  L. O. L.

I suggested a handgun so I could kill the damn things, but word is, they're protected.  So, today, after being attacked for a third time...and realising that it's actually scaring me a little (i've started reacting to bird noises and seeing them swoop a little, even pigeons which aren't scary at all, (unless they have bird flu or are crowding you in Venice) I googled.

Excuse my language, but this really is necessary (Lou, don't read further).

FUCKING. HELL.

They DO attack your eyes.  Read this!!

Quote;

"...where a magpie will swoop in from behind or the side and audibly "snap" their beaks or even peck or bite at the face, neck, ears or eyes.  A magpie may rarely attack by landing on the ground in front of a person and lurching up and landing on the victim's chest and peck at the face and eyes.^[  Magpie attacks can cause injuries, typically wounds to the head and particularly the eyes, with potential detached retinas and bacterial infections..."

DOUBLE-YOU.  TEE.  EFF.

"Attacks begin as the eggs hatch, increase in frequency and severity as the chicks grow, and tail off as the chicks leave the nest."

...so it's going to get worse.

But then.... "Magpies are a protected native species in Australia, so it is illegal to kill or harm them".

So, hang on.  Let me get this straight.

Magpies can and probably will;

A) Swoop at me

B) Attack me

C) Try to peck out my eyes

D) Continue to do so more frequently for the next 2 months

E) Ruin my life

And I am expected to;

A) Deal with it

B) Not kill the f*ckers

C) look like a giant douchebag with big googly eyes on my head.

AUSTRALIA.  HOW IS THIS NORMAL?!?!?

All the reactions i've had are 'haha oh yes that happens all the time".  I'm sorry!?!?!?!

It happens all the time...and you're just laughing and walking around with icecream containers on your head.  Does no-one else find this ridiculous??!!   Survival of the fittest, guys! I know you fail at everything except stealing things that NZ invented, but really, surely you understand that you're bigger and don't have to take this crap! 

The sad thing is, I don't have a gun, I'd miss them if I tried to swing at them....or just fall off of my bike, and they are freaking me out a little bit.  (Little bit?).

So.  Guess i'll pimp out my helmet and be 'that girl who has big eyes on her helmet'.  Or, I suppose, i'll look like every Australian because all of you are a bunch of wusses who are getting bullied by a FREAKING BIRD.

THE END.
 

22/08/2011

It's been a while, life has been extremely remarkable but unbelievably crazy as well.

I actually have social things planned for the next 3 weekends, including roller derby, a totally kick-ass party at my house where we will have an espresso martini off, Kyla's bday drinks... i'm just so popular.

Sydney has been good to me.  After a week of straight rain, we had a week of straight sun.  This week included my 2 days off, where I sat in the sun, drinking coffees, enjoying Haloumi and Bubble &squeak filled breakfasts and far too many coffees in the Surry Hills area. You, friends (NZ friends anyway) enjoyed a week of extreme cold and snow.  Snow in Auckland is a pretty rare thing, and though i'm sure it was magical, truthfully, I hate the cold. I hate snow. I was much happier chilling and drinking my delicious piccolo lattes.

My coffee consumption has increased, something i'm not actually upset about.  Instead of the usual flat whites, my coffees have become less and less full, now with my drinking macchiatos or piccolos, like someone super cool who actually likes coffee and not milk.

I've been on the espresso machine loads, and while it's had it's ups (people actually enjoying my coffee) and downs (the machine overheating because I fail at life) it's going very well.  I LOVE the science of it all, it's so much fun. Can't wait to come home and play on the Silvia with you, mum!

My bffl Erin has been travelling around and it's been hard to get a hold of her, but last night we had a looong talk for ages and my heart feels good.  I've also chatted with Aimee and Sarah, had amazing meatballs with Lou and Mike, coffeed with Ellie, 10 pin bowled (as the name 'Crowded House are from Australia'...still beat all of you, ha!) with Em, had chats with my mum, saw Tara and Richard this weekend, plan to travel home to NZ in the next while, drive up to Newcastle on my day off...life is good, albeit busy.

I've been thinking much more seriously about starting up my cafe as well, which is exciting.  A lot to think about and organise but totally worth it. Investors, hands up, please.

Band practice is good, we have a new member who seems to be more musically talented than me (I actually found myself doing a Lauren Tate (sucking in her breath through her teeth) when she played the xylophone extremely well 'for the first time'....but am i bovered though? Face, bovered?  We have a possible gig lined up which is exciting. I'm also spending next Monday with a customer come friend and we're going to jam together which will be fun. I'm looking at buying a new guitar so hopefully he can help.

Been hanging with work people a lot more, having a great time.  We karaoked last week and it was incredible fun, our own room, food and drink delivered within seconds when you order it....

It was a proper Karaoke place on George St....as you walked down the hallway, you could see through narrow strip on glass what people were doing in their rooms....all of them, and i mean ALL of them were quiet. The men sat eating, playing cards, the girls sand slow, meaningful ballads, while we, crazy white people that we are, screamed out the Pussycat Dolls, had rap battles to Run DMC, took turns being a Barbie Girl, and cranked out the Love Shack. They weren't our biggest fans, I think (despite our overwhelming talents) and they ended up turning off Bohemian Rhapsody halfway through to try and get rid of us. Worth it!

Nights at the local lingerie waitress pub which i'm sure i've talked about, basically, think West Auckland  but with girls wearing little clothes and bending over too far on Thursdays and Fridays.  It is extremely uncomfortable knowing where to look and trying not to be rude.  The pub's a 1 min walk from work so it makes sense to frequent there, but somehow we always go on Thursdays...it is unplanned, believe me! Ha.

Life is good. I'm busy and having fun.  I do miss my friends and family at times but then remember I'm in the big smoke now and need to harden up.  Which leads me to my next remark;

I HAVE DEFINED MUSCLES.  Being a barista and tamping all day, as well as carrying around big buckets of beans means that I actually have defined muscles for the first time in my life. My "call a vet because these puppies are sick' comment now actually relates to something other than a pale hanging chicken wing.  Well, they're still there, a little, but I'm pretty much a superhero now. Not quite Popeye (though I think he has tumours, those arms are abnormally large) but I could take you in a knife fight, if pushed.

10/8/11

Today, I filled out the census.  It was weird filling it out, the bluntness of the questions and it really reflected my new life here. No, I am not currently doing any volunteer work. What religion am I? Well, I went to a Baptist Church, now I go to an Anglican one, i'm not sure I identify as either, but not putting something feels dishonest...  No, I've never been married. OKAY!?!? JUST SHUTTUP CENSUS< LEAVE ME ALONE*#

In other news, today I saw Policemen on bikes.  Proper Police bikes, little matching blue riding shorts, guns holstered.  It was quite funny.  Then I rode really hard to beat them. I did for a while, then they turned a corner and my feeling of success died a little.  But I totally won. Yusssss.

Work is going well, i've been working hard on shots and am getting gross, calloused barista hands.  I'm also not making the worst coffee in any cafe ever, which is a good thing.  I'm pretty stoked at how natural it's becoming, in problem-solving, changing the grind, tamping and everything.  I did fault testing last week where you can tell by the pour and taste what you've done wrong, whether it's grind, tamp, dose etc.  So awesome, i love the science and learning it all.  It feels like uni though, the whole day on the machine focusing and concentrating is like studying for a test.

My cough has mostly gone which meant that I rode Fugly Rose again today for the first time in about 2 weeks. 

I also have new jokes about my guns (instead of using the usual "call a vet 'cos these puppies are sick")...

"have you met the twins? Des and Troy?  DES-TROY".

Hmm. Funnier in real life.

03/08/2011

This year has gone crazy fast. I realised this evening that in under a week, i've been here 6 months.

Life has been crazy busy but good.  I've been on the espresso machine loads working on shots and have been making awesome progress, even got a compliment from someone who never gives them (the best i've had from him before this was "Shit...that's actually good").  By the end of the week I hope to be moving onto milk and shots...i just want to rock out the machine already!

After a couple of weekends of crap weather, the sun has been shining and it's been fantastic.  I had a great weekend in the sun, coffee-ing, spending time with friends, relaxing, it was so good, one of those weekends where you actually feel like you can face work again. Went to go and see a play 'The Importance of Being Ernest"...something i'm not familiar with and feel like I need to read it now as i'm not sure the direction the play was taking...they were sort of dominatrix/transvestities/sluts and talked in poncy accents...pretty strange, but good. Also went and hit up 5 different cafes which was so much fun.  I'll fb the pics soon, it was great. Also went and just relaxed in Centennial Park, dogs running around, coffee and sunshine...bliss.

Alas, i'm sick today. While I won't list the medication i'm on (much to your dismay), i've spent the day in bed, sleeping, reading, eating. I even ordered pizza and they gave me extra free stuff, it was amazing. Last time they gave me lollies, this time coke and garlic bread. No idea why. But i'm happy.

Work's going well, hanging loads with different colleagues and having fun.  We had kareoke planned but i'm losing my voice so it'll be postponed til next week.  We'll have our own private room and everything, i'm pretty excited.

This weekend i'm going to the roller derby- can't wait to see it in action as it so just sounds like an idea someone came up with one night when they were drunk in their basement. Apparently I shouldn't dress up like a pirate skank...i checked. But if I do...there will be photos. Don't worry.