19/09/2011

I am embarrassed to report that the magpies have won. Well, the one magpie. After my amazing display of headbutting skills last Saturday, a few customers, while obviously impressed by my ninja skills, shared some disturbing news;

Magpies remember.

3 months, apparently, not a goldfish memory where they forget, not an elephants memory where they never do, but 3 months.  For 3 months of my riding past his stupid little nest with his stupid little children, this magpie will remember my superior headbutting skills and work hard to make my ride to work even harder.  My helmet literally has stab marks all over it.

That, and the newspapers over here; 2 page spread of magpies swooping on children (so it's no racism, ha!) and people with blood down their faces.

Yes, Australia will report on it, sympathise with those attacked, yet refuse to kill a native bird that is trying to kill its own people and friendly, good-looking NZers over here for a working holiday.

So, on the bus I go.  I would walk, but MAGPIES HAVE MEMORIES.

In other news, had my first gig last week.  I was pretty nervous, to be honest, especially as the female singer is overseas for 2 months, so guess who got to sing in EVERY SINGLE SONG!? 

Go on, guess.

ME!

Did you get it?

I was ill with nerves much of the day, my voice quavered and it was the daggiest venue in Sydney.  Luckily, when everyone arrived, they'd turned off the lights and it looked a little better, plus I didn't wet my pants, so that's always a plus.

The weather's been amazing, yesterday was 31 degrees, it was amazing. I walked around Bondi, had a picnic in the park, chilled, it was awesome.  I had half of today off too, which was great, same nice weather, about 22 but a bit windy.

Things are good, been very busy at work with heaps of staff off/down/sick but managing.  Have a weekend in Melbourne soon which i'm REALLY looking forward to, plus mum sister will be there at that time so we can catch up. Also, my folks are visiting soon, so it's all on! I'm excited!

Oh, and at work the other day, I hit Gay Waterhouse with a door.  She's a giant horse breeding celebrity, or something. She has a book...eh, who cares? I laughed.

13/09/2011

Today I was hit on my 2 young men wearing filthy grey trackpants.  They like my 'hipster look' (?) and appreciate my body.  They're only human.  THIS. IS. SYDNEY.

On Saturday I was attacked by the same magpie, again.  Instead of taking his crap like I usually do, I headbutted the bastard twice. My helmet is pretty munted now.  I talked to Erin's dad (who used to work for the council) to see if he could help me get it murdered.  He laughed at me.  THIS. IS. SYDNEY.

Today I checked my Superannuation account to see what interest I had accrued from my 6 months of living here. I have made $1.54.  THIS. IS. SYDNEY.

On Wednesday I have my very first gig with my band. A friend who has never heard us play before used this to describe us; "LION LE LION - These guys are a brand new collaborative - this is their first gig as a band. With instruments featured as diverse as glockenspiel and accordion, as well as conventional sounds like guitars and voices, Lion Le Lion look to be a new musical revelation."  Thaaaat's me. AND THIS IS SYDNEY.

Today I'm working on my blog, feeling bad that I haven't updated it and have been out of contact with so many people.  Work has been busy with my boss on leave and staff being sick. Plus I'm just a wuss who gets tired from work and has early nights. Rock and roll.

On Sunday morning I went to the annual kite festival in Bondi.  There were heaps of kites, including giant ones of whales and of aliens riding in spaceships.  I'm not sure what the theme was, but if it was random crap, that kite would have won.

I went to roller derby a couple of weeks ago, which was AWESOME.  I figured it would be a room full of lesbians cheering on more lesbians who beat each other up while on roller skates...and i was mostly right.  Ha. It was so cool, there's actually full-on strategy and rules, they took it very seriously.  The team I chose (the Beauty School Knockouts) beat the other team (Team Unicorn) so I was happy. Team Unicorn deserved some credit though, their opening number had a man dressed in a full unicorn suit, prancing around the stadium.  I went with Lou and Mike and work people.  I can't wait to go again!

The weather's been pretty good lately, I have the day off today which has been good, sadly I needed to do inside stuff but I saw a bit of sun.  Can't wait to chill out tonight and do nothing!

I've probably done more but can't remember.  Plus I can't think of anymoreTHIS IS SYDNEY quips, so instead, enjoy this delightful photo of a whale kite.  Because you can.

03/09/2011

Apparently it's 'usual' for people to be attacked by Magpies here.  It's happened to me on 3 separate occasions. 

I'm Catherine Sell and this is my story.

My first time, I wasn't expecting it, obviously, I didn't know what was going on, it felt like someone had hit me across the side of the head. I thought it was someone playing tricks on me.  The sun was behind me, I looked forward and saw my shadow and a bird swooping ahead. Incredulous, I started laughing, when it happened again.  While it was funny, my favourite part was when an island guy drives beside me and says "hey! Watch out man, you're being attacked by magpies!"  Yeah, dude. Got that. Thanks.

Different people have offered different advice, other than 'watch out because they'll peck out your eyes' (which we'll talk about later), apparently the thing to do it to paint giant eyes on your helmet.

Which is either a really good practical joke that everyone's playing on me, so i'll look like an egg riding to work with a scary monster helmet, or, it'll actually scare away the freaking birds.  One guy told me that as kids walking home from school, they used to wear upside-down icecream containers on their heads with eyes painted on them.  L. O. L.

I suggested a handgun so I could kill the damn things, but word is, they're protected.  So, today, after being attacked for a third time...and realising that it's actually scaring me a little (i've started reacting to bird noises and seeing them swoop a little, even pigeons which aren't scary at all, (unless they have bird flu or are crowding you in Venice) I googled.

Excuse my language, but this really is necessary (Lou, don't read further).

FUCKING. HELL.

They DO attack your eyes.  Read this!!

Quote;

"...where a magpie will swoop in from behind or the side and audibly "snap" their beaks or even peck or bite at the face, neck, ears or eyes.  A magpie may rarely attack by landing on the ground in front of a person and lurching up and landing on the victim's chest and peck at the face and eyes.^[  Magpie attacks can cause injuries, typically wounds to the head and particularly the eyes, with potential detached retinas and bacterial infections..."

DOUBLE-YOU.  TEE.  EFF.

"Attacks begin as the eggs hatch, increase in frequency and severity as the chicks grow, and tail off as the chicks leave the nest."

...so it's going to get worse.

But then.... "Magpies are a protected native species in Australia, so it is illegal to kill or harm them".

So, hang on.  Let me get this straight.

Magpies can and probably will;

A) Swoop at me

B) Attack me

C) Try to peck out my eyes

D) Continue to do so more frequently for the next 2 months

E) Ruin my life

And I am expected to;

A) Deal with it

B) Not kill the f*ckers

C) look like a giant douchebag with big googly eyes on my head.

AUSTRALIA.  HOW IS THIS NORMAL?!?!?

All the reactions i've had are 'haha oh yes that happens all the time".  I'm sorry!?!?!?!

It happens all the time...and you're just laughing and walking around with icecream containers on your head.  Does no-one else find this ridiculous??!!   Survival of the fittest, guys! I know you fail at everything except stealing things that NZ invented, but really, surely you understand that you're bigger and don't have to take this crap! 

The sad thing is, I don't have a gun, I'd miss them if I tried to swing at them....or just fall off of my bike, and they are freaking me out a little bit.  (Little bit?).

So.  Guess i'll pimp out my helmet and be 'that girl who has big eyes on her helmet'.  Or, I suppose, i'll look like every Australian because all of you are a bunch of wusses who are getting bullied by a FREAKING BIRD.

THE END.